Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
