glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
