I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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