I heard we made out
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
