why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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