I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
