phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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