Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize