Tell her she can't have a vagina
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
