Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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