Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
