I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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