All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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