and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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