member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The best revenge is premature balding
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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