She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
