I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
