Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
