So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
