Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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