god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
