This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
