I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i drank out of a bidet.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
