I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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