I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
