If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
