Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
