Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
