there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize