That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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