So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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