Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
