Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
