It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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