ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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