I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
