I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize