When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
