I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
