he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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