After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
