I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
