I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize