he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
