no, he came in my armpit
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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