Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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