I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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