my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
