I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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