Apparently you make a good broom.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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