dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
