theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
