I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
