Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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