Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
