i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
