Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
