I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
