I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
