if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize