look no pants
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
