Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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