we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
