Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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