how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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