i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize