I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
