Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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