everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
