I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Still dying that you shit outside
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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