I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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