a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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