She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
