how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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