This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
