I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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