so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
