How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
