dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
