he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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