I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
