I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
