Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
