So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
