Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
