he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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