I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
