His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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