i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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