Say something about gay babies.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
