Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
