dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
