just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
