I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
