I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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