I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize