I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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