You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
