No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
In America we eat man semen.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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