remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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