Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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