I need help removing her.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Operation Purity has been aborted
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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