chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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