I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
