I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
