I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
