this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize